feigning intelligence
Wednesday, April 30, 2003
Thursday, April 24, 2003
I'm a big cosmo vitelli fan apparently. There's this song called "Robot Soul" that's just hot. Anyway, I'm driving around campus today and it's a funny feeling. Maybe it's just that I was listening to Parachutes - I mean it's just an emotional album - but I just got a touch sentimental. I know, I know. I did though. As many faults as Miami has, it's been a fun four years. Lots of bad, but just incredible good with it, man. At the very least, I feel it's pushed and pulled me into the proper career path and I'm excited about the future. Yeah ... later.
Monday, April 21, 2003
I'm deeply saddened, but this is my final column for the wonderful and amazing The Miami Student. I'll keep plenty of the same type of writing streaming over this lovely site, but it won't be printed the next day for your reading enjoyment. Sorry kids. Hope you like it:
Hey mom and dad, I sort of figured out what I want to do with my life and it only took me four years and just under $90,000 of your hard earned cash! Thanks a million!
I mean, I’d love to say I’m just kidding and that I’ve actually been working diligently toward one ultimate goal during my Miami career … I just can’t. It really did take me nearly four years, a handful of majors and a failed attempt at the LSAT to figure out a decent plan of attack.
It’s sad but true, people.
And now that I’m looking back on the whole process, I’m left with the lingering question: Why was it so damned impossible to establish a little focus in my life before now?
Well, I guess you could say I have a theory or two.
First and foremost, I think this town is inherently flawed in its ability to help students get ahead.
Man, I love Oxford’s small town charm and brick streets littered with drunken frat boys just as much as the next guy … I really do. But the real world it is not. Life isn’t Miami … and man do I wish someone had mentioned that a little earlier.
See, as far as Miami is concerned, I’ve been the model student. I’ve done well in class, stayed out of trouble, finished in four years, gotten involved on campus, attended copious keggers … so what? A year from now, none of that matters. I went to school and graduated. Lots of people do that, man.
If we’re being honest, we’ll admit the only reason we’re all here is to land a sweet job and get real paid when we’re out, right?
Right.
Well, folks, I’ve been looking around at jobs and such over the past few months, so I feel I’m reasonably qualified to offer the following insight on this rather important topic. You want to know what really matters to an employer when they’re evaluating half a million resumes that look exactly the same?
What have you done? Say it with me now – what have you done?
Nobody cares whether you went to Harvard or truck driver school. Nope, what matters is what you’ve done, and I’m here to tell you that following the conventional path through Miami ain’t going to cut it much longer.
Sure, some folks will continue to get jobs by turning in the minimum, but unless you’re certain you’re going to law school or you’re a business student, getting ahead in the world is going to take a) a bigger city that actually has significant industry and b) you getting your ass off the couch and doing it for yourself.
Employers don’t care how long you’ve been locked up in your room studying. Four point, schmorr point, can you have this report on my desk in twenty minutes?
Anyway, enough ranting. My only point is that college is good and college is great and I’m sure being here serves a purpose. I’m just saying that when you’re all done with the stacks of books and cases of cheap beer, don’t expect someone to just hand you a job. It doesn’t just happen like that.
But if you are a senior and someone just handed you a job …
Screw you.
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
It's column time again everyone!
I was reading The New York Times this week and I noticed the Pulitzers were awarded up at Colombia University a few days back. For those of you who don’t know or care, the Pulitzers are these awards given out to people when they write really important stuff. I mean, that’s basically what happens. There’s probably more to it than that, but whatever, the rest isn’t important.
Well, I guess you could say that list got me thinking about a lot of things. Namely, why the hell didn’t Bobby Brown ever get one?
Go ahead and laugh, but I’m serious here, people. I mean, crack-head or no, the man’s got a few good points.
See, the more I read the newspapers and watch the evening news, the more I realize Bobby probably had it all figured out back in ‘88. And I don’t just mean writing mesmerizing pop tunes for the adoring masses. No, there was always something deeper with Bobby. Something truly remarkable.
Allow me to demonstrate. In “My Prerogative,” the track that is most often considered to be his piece de resistance, Bobby sings, “Everybody’s talkin’ all this stuff about me, why don’t they just let me live?”
Good question, Bob, why won’t everyone just let you live? Is it because you’re doing and saying what you want? Are you being your own person, Bob?
Always the quick-witted verbal combatant, Bobby is quick with response, “It’s the way that I want to live. I can do just what I feel. No one can tell me what to do.”
Bravo, Bob. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Don’t you see people? Don’t you see that Bobby was just fighting for the inherent individual right to be his own person and resist the conformity pushed upon us by the government and media every single day?
But sadly, nobody listened to the visionary statements this pop-icon in disguise carefully crafted. No, the poor guy was dismissed as crazy and forced to live a life of bar fighting and failed comeback attempts with Ja-Rule. It’s a travesty, really.
If people had just listened to Bobby, I doubt America would have a lot of the problems we have today. Instead of having girls waging the war of unobtainable self-images fueled by popular magazines and television, they’d be tossing back another beer or two and munching on a cheeseburger. Like Bob said, “I can do what I want to do.” If a girl, or guy for that matter, wants an extra side of hips and ass with that shake, I say, it’s their prerogative – nobody should tell them it’s wrong.
If someone wants to say they think the war is a good thing – their prerogative. If someone else thinks Eddie Vedder is patriot because he voiced his opinion about the government when and where he felt like doing it – their prerogative.
See, Bobby understood a long time ago that we should just keep our noses out of other people’s business. Don’t bother me and I won’t bother you. Makes perfect sense to me.
So I guess I’m just left with this one question; why can’t we all be as smart as Bobby Brown?
Tuesday, April 08, 2003
I'm working on determining what kind of life I'm going to lead. It looks like law might be out and advertising might be the direction of choice. It's funny, for the first time in a long time I really feel an interest in something. I'm excited again. I love it. Check out where I might be next year: http://www.adschool.edu/index.html. Oh, tonight is the staff party. Hello intoxicating drinks ... er, conversation?
